"Not I," Said the Little Red Hen

They advise us to Google ourselves every now and then, to find out who we are what people might be saying or assuming about us.

So sometimes I do.  

(I generally assume myself to be a bit of a "little red hen." Here is the copy we have in our house, illustrated by Paul Galdone, that I read to my kids every now and then.)

I Googled Myself

I am not dead.

I am not an opera singer.

I am not on Twitter or Linkedin.

I am not a chef or a life coach.

I do not lead origami workshops (except origami of the brain).

I did not make a Halloween video.

Or any other kind of video on the Internet.

I don’t live or work in a nursing home.

I am not a runner, or a roadrunner.

I have not been arrested. 

I do write book reviews but not of children’s books.

I can knit, but I am not Armenian.

I am not a nun.

I do have a good nun name.

I am not a dead nun.

I don’t have a nice-paying job with benefits at a big corporation.

That is not my middle initial.

I do not live in the UK.

I do not live in New Mexico.

I do not live in Texas.

I do not live in Ohio, but my cousin’s wife does.

I am not on MySpace.

I am not a dead politician.

I have judged poetry contests but not that one.

I am not dead.

I am not married to Arthur.

I am not an organist.

I am not one of the hot people in Normal, IL, as far as I know.

I did not click that.

I was an actress but do not have a “filmography.”

I am not dead, I am not dead.

I am not dead.